How a Little Self-Compassion can Help With Procrastination
We tend to think being harder on ourselves works to get the job done and leads us to be successful. But applying pressure doesn’t always work. What we can do to get moving again might sound counter intuitive - self-compassion.
In her book, Procrastination: What It Is, Why It’s a Problem, and What To Do About It, Fuschia Sirois describes how a little compassion for ourselves can work to get the job done. Self-compassion might sound nice and feel good in the moment but how could it possibly be effective? We misunderstand self compassion when we think of it as permission to be lazy or unmotivated. It is simply taking a break (often from self-criticism) that allows us to breathe, refocus and then start again.
Self criticism often gets in the way when we are trying to reach a goal. We might have been taught that negative self talk is what motivates us but instead this internal negative dialogue results in negative emotions. This get us off track and distracts us from getting back to work. Because humans don’t like feeling bad, we often avoid doing anything associated with bad feelings. Unfortunately, this can include pursuing our goals.
So what exactly is self-compassion?
Most of us are good and showing compassion to others and believe that others are deserving of compassion. We tend to get stuck giving compassion to ourselves.
Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, has been one of the pioneers of self compassion. She describes it as showing ourselves the same kindness we would show a friend or loved one. Self-compassion can also involve letting go of perfectionism. Not expecting ourselves to b e perfect all the time can make it easier to begin again again we’ve procrastinated on a project or activity.
Our sense of worth or belonging isn’t so closely tied to outcomes, which can often be beyond our control. This lowering of pressure can help us avoid procrastinating. Dr. Sirios’ research concluded that people with less self compassion were more likely to procrastinate. When we can diffuse negative judgments, we are less likely to avoid doing what is hard.
Self-compassion involves feeling connected and human. We give ourselves permission to be imperfect just like everyone else. This helps us to feel less alone and more supported. When we can let go of shame and feel more connected, we are more likely to begin again.
Self-compassion also means being aware of our emotions. Often life can feel too busy to slow down and take real stock of our experience. But it is stepping back to observe these feelings and thoughts that leads us to a more balanced response with less judgement. We can acknowledge the distress we might be feeling and give it the empathy it deserves instead of getting stuck in self pity.
These three components lead us to taking a break when we most need it. This doesn’t mean opting out or giving up. It is just a moment to rest before we determine how to get back to what we want to do.
